Tough Decisions

By Genevieve Buthod

Well, folks, we’re a month into school and (hopefully) already back in the routine of working hard for grades and paychecks. While I appreciate hard work just as much as anyone, I also learned recently that a little balance in life can do wonders for my sanity. I dropped what for me was a very difficult class this past week, and I have never felt lighter or happier. I was afraid that I was not living up to my own expectations, or my professors’, but I realized that I needed to make a choice to save my semester.

I thought that if I wasn’t doing absolutely everything and working myself down to a pulp, I wasn’t trying hard enough. I thought I needed to prove to everyone around me that I am superwoman, but I now know that I’m only human, and it’s ok to show it sometimes. Accepting my own personal weaknesses has strangely helped me feel stronger than ever. I learned that I can overcome them and accept myself as a real person, not just a highly-efficient machine. Much as I try to be that, I will never live up to it, and the sooner I internalize that knowledge, the better for my health and everyone around me.

I have already felt the wonderful effects of this new sense of balance in my life. My work for other classes has been easier to concentrate on because I’m not under so much stress from the difficult class I decided to drop. I have been much more efficient at work because I can actually focus on what I’m writing and turn out something worth reading, rather than constantly being distracted by my intense fear of failure.

My incredibly supportive teachers have helped me see this decision as a celebration rather than a defeat. It took some convincing to get out of the class, but now that I have, I feel better than ever. I’ve been high on life for the past week, and I don’t think any of the challenges I will face for the rest of the semester can possibly bring me down from this place. I forgot how fun it is to be genuinely excited for school, rather than dreading it. I can’t wait to go to my classes now because I know I can face them with my whole mind, and actually achieve what I know I am capable of on my best days.

It can be tempting to offer unsolicited advice after this experience, but I can only describe how it feels in my situation. I don’t know what is right for anyone else, because I only know my own limits and my own ways of dealing with stress (not the healthiest, admittedly). It took a while to accept myself as someone who would even consider quitting something because it’s too difficult, but now that I have, I realized just because I’m human doesn’t mean I am mediocre.

Genevieve Buthod is a sophomore, and a major in Computer Science with a minor in Philosophy. She is a happy and healthy vegan. She is also the TIAA-CREF Campaign Manager for Students for Justice in Palestine. Genevieve is the Senior Viewpoints Editor for the Xavierite.